Two separate incidents in the past week brought to mind a common question we are asked when we go shopping: “paper or plastic?” We are asked our preference. We don’t expect people to read our minds. We are expected to express our preference. We need to make a choice and share our decision with others.
Why is it many of us seldom ask whether our clients prefer telephone, e-mail, or face-to-face conversations? I have asked this question and been surprised at the answers given and by whom. I’m not a fan of using e-mail for critical communication. The volume of e-mail I receive a daily basis makes it challenging to identify the important information amidst the noisy background chatter unless I have been alerted by phone to expect or to watch for an e-mail. I now routinely ask each client how they like to communicate. There are many like myself who prefer a phone call or a face-to-face meeting over e-mail. If you never ask, you never find out what works for your client. I’m not talking about Luddites. I’m talking about busy people who prefer a more intimate, real-time interaction over a less personal and and sometimes easily misunderstood electronic form of communication.
I talked about the communication model previous blog post. Communication between one or more people is effective only when the sender and receiver have a common, shared understanding. One of the flaws in electronic communication is that while we confidently send our electronic e-mail we are not assured that our intended message is received and understood. There have been times when a communication breakdown was the result of undelivered or unseen messages. The key assumption being just because you wrote and sent a message to me, it was delivered, read, and understood in the way you intended. This is not always the case and instead of deepening relationships we may damage them beyond repair. We think we are saving time. Everybody does email. In reality, it may take several additional messages to clarify any misunderstandings and eventually a phone call or two to repair and damage done.
A phone adds another dimension to our communication, our tone of voice. The tone of a written communication such as e-mail may or may not convey the emotional and contextual meaning we wish to express. The time it takes to have a conversation or leave a voice message can in fact be shorter than the time it takes to compose and send an e-mail.
E-mail can be a way of avoiding emotionally charged conversations, or so we think. If we value the relationship, it may precipitate a charged conversation that is hotter or more bitter than it would have been with a real time conversation.
While it may be a comfortable to have a conversation with someone we think we may disappoint or anger, the reality is it is best to be forthcoming, and have a conversation where you honestly express yourself while respecting the feelings of others. Difficult conversations can sometimes take us to places we need to go. In the long run, telling the truth is easier and takes less time than trying to avoid it or tiptoeing around it.
Back to the incidents that inspired this post. The first involved three people. Requests were made by myself, one of my clients, and a vendor. When either my client or myself made a request of the vendor, we expected prompt response. The same was true of the part of the vendor. What none of us knew, however, was that some of our messages were sent but not received. Since some messages did come through, none of us knew that others were lost in the ether. Confusion, frustration, disappointment and anger resulted. We all assumed all of our messages were being sent and received. We discovered the discrepancy on a conference call. It turned out that although some e-mails traveled the expected course, there were many more that are still out there in cyberspace, lost forever. Because of our three-way conversation, we were all made aware of the communication potholes. Now we confirm electronic communications with a phone call.
Communication is built on trust. We expect to hear and be heard as we intended.
The second situation came about when I sent information to a new client by e-mail. I followed up with a phone call. When I didn’t hear back, I made a second call and successfully scheduled a meeting. I could have given up when I didn’t hear back from my e-mail inquiry. Instead I picked up the phone and got the result I was after. I had to face the possibility of rejection. But, I reasoned it was better to know sooner rather than later if there was a problem. During our face-to-face meeting I confirmed the best way to follow up with my client. Going forward I will be sure to call when I’m sending documents for review by e-mail and if we need to meet, we will do it face-to-face.
There can be a breakdown in communication even when both of you are in the same room. One of you may be distracted. Or you may only hear a portion of the message and misunderstand its meaning is. The transmission of information does not guarantee reception. Taking time to to verify that your audience has heard and understood you will help to avoid confusion and conflict.
I encourage all of my clients to ask their clients how they want to be in contact. I just started going to a new dentist. She wanted to send me email, and I said I prefer a phone reminder or phone call if there is a change to our schedule. If you have a strong preference for one type of communication over another, let people know. I’ve polled the audience on this topic and here is what I have learned: about a third of the population usually says they prefer e-mail. Another third likes the phone. The rest like to meet face-to-face.
It’s not only what you say, its how you deliver your message, that makes or breaks relationships.
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